Dan stood there. Glazed eyes still wanting to be
close to her. Watching, looking all around, knowing. Far away now but
there had been a time. The glazed hardened eyes softened for a second
as he remembered.
His eyes darted around his perimeter one more time. His immediate
thought was why? Why didn't he just let it happen? He'd be closer to
her wouldn't he? All that religion crap he was taught when he was
younger said so. He could go to heaven couldn't he?
Within the tree line he could see the casket being lowered. For the
first time since he was a kid tears slipped out of his eyes. The
extreme sadness that he had felt once in his life was turning him
sideways one more time.
His eyes went blank and the tears stopped as fast as they started.
He would wait until they all left then he would go to her.
He didn't feel the cold or the snow melting inside his shoes.
Nothing mattered anymore unless it was the state's evidence he was
going to turn. He was sick of the killing. The immoral, horrid way of
life he had lived.
Why would they kill a mob boss when his wife and ten year old child
were with him? They had done nothing. Especially Jess. An innocent
child. Why didn't that fatal bullet hit him. It was supposed to.
That's why he was there. If his arm had been an inch to the left it
would have hit bone. Instead it went through and hit Jess. He wasn't
fast enough.
He hadn't felt the pain until now. The pain in the arm and the
multiple bruises in his chest and gut. He lit another cigarette. He
laughed. The damn things would kill him one day. Yeah right. What a
bunch of crap. Something else had his name written all over it.
Everyone was gone. He walked slowly through the snow. His legs were
heavy, like in a dream. Once he saw the casket there would be no
denial.
Jess had changed his life. He remembered the very moment. She had
begged him for a year to come and watch her practice ballet. Ballet?
What kind of crap was that. A wiseguy, bodyguard didn't do ballet.
Didn't think about ballet. Didn't watch ballet. Their relationship
had been tenuous at best. He needed to guard her, not watch her
dance. He needed to stand guard out front of the studio and protect
her from the outside world. His world was simple. Guard her with his
life or his boss would kill him.
For some reason that day, Jess took his hand. His hand enveloped
hers. It was huge around hers, but hers felt strong. She pulled on
him to come inside. When her pleading blue eyes caught his that day
the tenuous relationship was over.
He remembered smiling and something flipping around in his chest. It
was probably the bullet proof vest. He walked beside her. She was
almost skipping.
She introduced him to her teacher who seemed scared and hesitant to
shake his hand. There was the bulge under his suit coat jacket. His
face did have a scar from a knife fight long ago that someone else
had lost. His nose didn't set just right on his face and the part in
his hair wasn't a natural but one that was made by a bullet. No one
could see a soul in his eyes except for Jess. She had seen it from
the very beginning. Even if he didn't know it, she did.
She kept holding his hand as if to say "You're safe with me".
He didn't understand. He wasn't a dummy but she had something
stronger. Her heart was full of love and compassion. She would show
him the way just like she showed him the way to the front row seat.
She didn't let go of his hand until he was seated. Of course he
didn't let go of hers either.
Her tights were a little too tight, Dan thought, but she was
dressed like everyone else. With a swish and a swirl and a rubber
band her perfect blond hair was in a bun on top of her head. She
automatically walked to the dance bar: toes never leaving the floor
and began her stretching.
Before she even started any routine, she laid her heel on the bar
and placed her face on her knee and smiled at him. It was at that
very moment he knew he would protect her for the rest of his life. No
longer was she a job. No longer did he have to answer to his boss. He
would only answer to himself.
The last few steps to the cold hole in the ground took an inordinate
amount of time. He wanted to run. This was the first time in his life
that he was scared. If he didn't see it, maybe it wouldn't be. He
took the last step. Again the damn tears. This time he couldn't stop
them. His knees shook as this giant turned to jello. He wanted
control but his control was in a casket.
He'd kill them all, ran rampant through his mind. Then Jess
sauntered in and calmed the rage. "Now Dan you know you can't
do that". She left as he
looked around trying to find her again. All he saw was the hole. He
couldn't stop the tears. He tried but even the tears didn't show the
real sadness. The loneliness and emptiness of the last few days.
He reached inside his overcoat and
pulled out a wrinkled brown paper bag. He opened the top and grabbed
what was inside. The old beat up pair of ballet shoes she had
given him about a year ago. They were pink of course with long
ribbons drifting off the heels.
He looked at them hoping but knowing. He couldn't save them. They
reminded him of too much. They caused too much pain. She needed them.
He was sure no one put a pair in her casket because no one knew her
the way he did. He knew her passion and all of her secrets. He was
the only one in the world she trusted with her soul. He knew that
because she had told him. They never lied to one another. He had
never thought of having children but if he did, he'd want one just
like her.
He dropped the shoes onto the casket. Luckily they stayed on top in
the wreath of flowers. He would have hated to crawl down there. He
laughed at the silly thought. She would have laughed too. She laughed
at all the silly things he did. Especially when he tried to be a
ballet dancer.
When he'd lift her in a pose and fly her through the air she would
giggle but hold her pose perfectly until he touched her down.
"Dan"
He whirled pulling his gun.
"Dan it's me. Randall." He instantly had his hands in the
air and stumbled backwards falling on his ass in the snow. The blank
no soul look was staring at him.
"Where the hell did you come from?"
"I was behind the big monument over there."
He pointed to the huge monument put up for Jess' father. It was a
gaudy thing. The mob boss had it done a few years previous knowing
he'd catch it sometime down the road. He was always prepared except
for this.
"Dan slowly put away the gun. "Have you got anything?"
"Yeah. Here's the guy's name, number and address. Since they
didn't kill you he figures you're coming."
Dan took the torn piece of paper.
"He figured right."
He started backtracking through the same tracks that lead him to the
grave. He was alert again. He had slacked off for a second and look
what it got him. He had to keep his wits about him.
"Dan, wait up."
The informant tried getting to his feet twice, slipping both times
in the snow. Finally getting upright he ran to catch up.
"Dan, don't go after these guys. They're waiting for you. Turn
state's evidence. Stay alive."
The man waited for a reply. He got none.
"Really Dan, that will hurt them more. You worked for them.
You've got the goods man. There's no better time than now to use your
get out of jail free card."
He waited as the big man kept walking one stride to the informants
two. He grabbed Dan's arm and tried to spin him around. Dan seized
him by the collar and lifted him straight up into the air.
"Don't do this Dan."
The blank black stare was horrid. The man shook in the breeze. Dan
threw him on his ass in the snow and walked away. The man had to get
up. His ass was getting wet.
He wanted to go after his friend but he knew there was no changing
his mind. He turned to the opposite direction, looked all around,
then took off on a dead run. He'd leave town now. This was no place
for him at the moment.
***
"Don't go." Kept
running through his head. It was her voice. That soft, kind, magical
voice that could make him do almost anything. He'd let her put makeup
on him. She made corn rows in his hair. There wasn't a tutu big
enough or he would have been in one of those. She did get him a set
of tights he wore with pride. He even helped the teacher on more than
one occasion. The teacher choreographed different dance routines for
the two of them. He was even surprised at his grace, form and lines.
He wasn't surprised at Jess'.
"I will go. You're not here dammit. You can't tell me what to
do anymore."
He slammed a clip of fifty calibers up the butt of one of the many
Desert Eagles that were draped all over him. Seeing that each held
seven rounds; fifty six with ten more clips should do the job. He
wrapped his overcoat around him and his friends. He had killed two of
the shooters that night. He wanted the third and the man that ordered
the hit. There would be an army waiting for him. There was a knock at
the door. He pulled his favorite friend and walked to the side of it.
"Who is it?"
"State's Attorney, Dan. Let me in."
"Go away. Got nothin to say."
"Let the law handle this. Tell us your story. We'll put you in
a new witness protection program. No jail time for you. We'll protect
you."
"Yeah like you protected Jess. All you guys are just words. Go
away."
"You know Dan I'll have to arrest you if you do anything
stupid."
Dan snapped back. "Who the hell is stupid. You're a bunch of
idiots believing your laws mean a damn thing to these guys. There's
only one law they understand. My law. Now go away and do your job the
best you can. I'm done talking."
Dan walked over to his liquor cabinet. He hadn't opened it for
years. Probably since the day she held his hand for the first time.
Something dropped in the bottom of the tumbler. He wiped the others
away. He poured so many fingers he should have just drunk out of the
bottle.
He kept hearing the stupid State's Attorney trying to convince him.
Men like that would never understand. These men understood only one
law. Kill or be killed. Survival of the fittest. That was his dance
studio. And he was real good at this routine. They should have killed
him when they had the chance.
***
Night shadows were drifting in and around the sanctuary of the man
that killed Jess. Dan was waiting. He kept hearing her voice. It was
the purest torture he had ever been through. He had been through a
lot in the mid-east. It was time now. He had to shut his thoughts off
and do what he had done best at one time.
The giant of a man moved like a panther. The black charcoal on his
face and hands made him look like the Grim Reaper. Quietly and
quickly, with the butt of his friend, he went about nullifying the
outside perimeter. The inside would be doing a check in a minute.
Within seconds of the calls he was inside the house and four more men
were down.
There would be his two left. Three steps at a time and the staircase
opened to a large open area. The man that killed Jess was supposedly
guarding his boss' bedroom door but he was asleep. Dan walked over
and with one one punch knocked him out. He zip tied him. He'd come
back for him to make the last seconds of his life as painful as he
could.
He walked through the bedroom door. The man and his wife were
asleep. At the boss' side of the bed he pulled two friends and then
put a knee on the chest and one gun to the head of each. It kind of
stirred things up.
The man yelled his cowardly pleas until Dan shut him up with the
butt of his friend. The woman was beautiful and naked. Dan took an
extra look then said. "Put a robe on then sit in that chair.
She did as she was told. Dan threw zip ties at her feet and told her
to put them around the chair and her ankles. She did as she was told.
Then he did her wrists to the arms.
"Are you going to kill us?"
He didn't answer. He walked out and and got the killer and dragged
him into the bedroom. Very unceremoniously and a little on the rough
side he threw him at her feet.
She asked again. "Dammit, are you going to kill us?"
Again he didn't answer. He grabbed the mob boss by the hair and
politely lifted him out of bed and sat him in the other chair and
zipped him up. He shook some hair out of his hand and straightened
up. He took his time to look around the room. More than likely he had
plenty of time to make the two men miserable enough that they would
beg to die. He'd start by breaking fingers.
The light from the two night lights was the only illumination. He
liked it. It reminded him of Jess for some reason. The woman opened
her mouth to talk. She looked at the black blank stare from hell; she
shut up.
He walked over to the bed and sat. He smiled when he saw blood on
the boss' pillow. He was going to have fun now. It had been a long
time. He didn't realize how much he missed it.
She butted into his revelry. "If I told you where you can find
everything you need to give to the cops, will you let me go."
He stared but didn't say anything. There was turmoil going on in his
brain.
"Behind the nightstand. Pull the drawer out all the way.
There's a button on the right. Put his left thumb print on it and it
will open to the safe."
He looked at her and smiled. He got up and pulled his large knife.
He grabbed the man's thumb and whacked it off. The man screamed. He
let him scream for a moment then gave him a right cross that shut him
up.
He had to give it to the woman; she didn't flinch.
He walked over to the nightstand and pulled the drawer and there was
the button. He put the bloody thumb on it and it opened. The woman
gave the combination to him quickly. He opened it and there in front
of him was money and books. Lots of both. He sat back on the bed.
He threw the thumb across the room then something strange began to
happen. A soft glow of sparkling water started at the floor. Dan
grabbed for one of his guns. It was swirling as if it was a small
water spout. It rose from the floor spinning and then slowly a figure
formed. Within seconds right before his eyes Jess was there. The
water kept swirling but there she was in the mist with that smile
that could melt the hardest heart. She was holding her pink, beat up
ballet shoes.
He reached for her but all his hand touched was air.
"Jess" His voice cracked.
"Dan, this is enough. You are
not like this any longer. You're my Dan, not theirs. My Dan doesn't
do this."
"But Jess they killed you."
"My job was done on earth. I changed you."
The water dropped to the floor. He grabbed for her and got nothing.
In seconds the water disappeared. He kept staring as his eyes
glistened then tears dropped to the floor. Stunned he sat there not
knowing what to do. He looked around to see the woman as stunned as
he. The woman knew better than to say anything. She thought maybe it
needed to sink into that big skull.
His head dropped and caught by his massive hands. There was no way
they were going to stop the rivers flowing from his eyes. Why him?
Why Jess? Why did he matter! He should have died, not her. She was
beautiful. He was horrid. Why would she believe all that crap. He
wasn't worth it.
He felt her soft, strong hand on his face. It made him cry harder.
The Grim Reaper was much easier to be than what she was asking,
especially without her. How could he be without her.
A few minutes passed before he caught his breath. He wiped his face
with the sheets. He stood and stared at the woman. That same black
blank soulless stare from hell. She shivered. He walked to her with
the bloody knife in his hand. All she could think of was that whoever
Jess was, she hadn't made any difference. He was going to answer her
first question in the affirmative. She closed her eyes. She didn't
want to see it coming.
Next thing she felt were the strips being cut. She opened her eyes.
His were different now.
"You've got five minutes before the cops show up."
She didn't say a word. She got up quickly and threw on some clothes
and sheepishly went to the safe and pulled out a bunch of cash and
slipped it into her purse.
He pulled his phone and called the State's Attorney. The man
answered.
"Come and get him." Was all Dan said.
He looked around the room one more time. This was the last of it and
for the second time in his life he was happy. Jess would find him
anywhere and that's where he was going. Anywhere there was a pair of
pink, beat up ballet shoes.
